Perfectionism: My Greatest Weakness as a Christian

One of my weaknesses is perfectionism. I often try to work hard and do everything just right, thinking that somehow God will be more pleased with me if I do. But something I’ve learned is that when I try to hold everything together on my own, I wind up getting in the way of what God wants to do in my life. I get upset sometimes, wondering why God hasn’t shown up during my time of need, and then God points out the fact that I’ve been attempting to play god over my situation.

My Word For This Year

My word for this year is to let go of trying to be perfect in my own strength. I wasn’t able to meet the standard of God through my works in the first place. Only His mercy and grace were able to cleanse me and make me presentable, and only the power of His grace can help me to walk in righteousness now. Unfortunately, I take that same self-righteous attitude that I used to apply to my salvation and now apply it to the work I believe God has asked me to do. It’s sad that I still try to draw from my own ability and strength so often.

I started working on my videos and writing part time this year. When I first started praying about it last year, I told God, “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do this. I’m going to have to get so much better at everything I do.”

But the Holy Spirit gently replied, “No, you’re just going to need more grace.”

We’re nearly half way through the year now, and I’m understanding what He meant. God’s grace is His undeserved kindness. The more that I rely on God’s kindness, and the more that I accept the fact that I can’t earn it, the better things turn out.

One way that I’ve experienced God’s grace this year happened at a men’s conference I attended several weeks ago. During the four weeks prior to the conference, I had been sick four times (and I hardly ever get sick). It was obvious to me that my immune system was low because of high stress levels. Even though I should have been taking the necessary steps to lower my stress and recover, I kept pushing forward, and I was feeling burnt out. On top of that, my three kids had also been sick a few times in a row, and that was adding to the stress. Despite all this, I was still motivated to continue working as hard as ever. In the middle of a worship service at the conference, I said to God, “I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.” In my head, I could see a clear picture of myself hanging from a cliff by a rope, and I was almost slipping off the end. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a picture person. It’s how I think.

Just Let Go

I was asking God for some way to continue hanging on—some way to continue climbing against the forces of life. I was begging Him for some supernatural intervention that would give me the boost I needed to keep trying. Instead, He simply said, “Let go. Just let go.” I said, “Okay, Lord.”

When God tells you to let go, you can trust that His hands are there to catch you.

Some of us think that if we fail, God’s going to just give up on us. It’s not true at all. A relationship goes both ways. We pursue Christ, but the good news is that He also pursues us. When the entirety of our relationship with God (and what He wants to do in our lives) is weighing on our efforts, something is wrong. God actually wants to work in our lives. He wants to show up, but we have to be willing to let go and give Him control. I’m talking about that simple (but essential) thing called trust.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve found that I’m striving less, waiting and listening more, and giving thanks even when I don’t feel like it. In my weakness, God has shown Himself strong. In my dependance upon Him, God has given me peace. In His presence, the stress has had to walk right out the door.

Thank you Jesus for loving me despite my weaknesses. Thank you for using me despite my failures. I’m excited to see what You’re going to do next, God. Even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face, that’s okay. As long as You walk through it with me, I can be confident that the path ahead will lead someplace good. Who knows? Maybe we’ll come across some green pastures to lie down in along the way. That would be nice.